Dinner with Justin & Kaylee @ Dumpling Darlings + accompanied dad to Jurong Polyclinic + Jurong Lake Gardens & Bob's Kitchen by Hidden Chefs with Ben + Mum's negative COVID-19 swab result + The Courage to be Disliked + 도가니 + 커피프린스 1호점 + 2D1N with Alina + PotaTOHs' 32nd birthday lunch @ Hakumai + MBS staycation + 82년생 김지영 + Special Forces: Ultimate Hell Week S1 and 2 + caixin growth update
26/9/20 Sat: Accompanied dad to Jurong polyclinic to check on the pain in his right knee, as well as his curved spine, as it's been a long while since last year I think, and taking Chinese medicine didn't seem to improve his condition. The doctor did a simple check on the bed by rotating his legs and back, and he was told to do an X-ray for the spine too, and it turned out to be arthritis and S-curve Scoliosis. He told us he could see骨刺from the x-ray, which seem to be normal as the bones degenerate, but luckily not any signs of cell change what not. He gave painkillers and another medicine to calm the gastric that is to be taken together if he eats the painkillers, reminded him to walk and exercise regularly, but have to monitor for any pain in the back from now on. *Been some time since dad did a blood check, so we fixed an appointment for him to do it.*
30/9/20 Weds: Mum had sore throat and cough over the weekends, so her supervisor told her to see a doctor on Monday when she went to work. It's worrisome as they did a COVID-19 swab test for her in this pandemic, and though she was told the results would be sent via SMS to her in 24 hours, it only came on Wednesday. Phew it was negative, well a bad scare but her bad cough persisted for another week more or so, before recovering gradually. *Mum has diabetes and high cholesterol issue, all the more so we have to be careful about hygiene etc.*
Finally, I finished reading "The Courage to be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga after more than a month.
I like how the narration adopts the style of a conversation between a philosopher and a pessimistic youth. The youth is pretty much most of us here, and the philosopher is there to enlighten and convince us with Adlerian’s psychology alongside Greek philosophy. We all know how philosophy can make us giddy with the abstract talks. I loved philosophy as a subject back in school, but much as I enjoyed the classes and readings and thought I’d understand them much, I don’t seem to score very well when it comes to tests and exams haha.
If we see things from a aetiological (study of causation) pov and not teleological (study of purpose of given phenomenon, instead of cause), we will never be able to walk out or solve problems, because we tend to put the blames on the “cause”. Adlerian Psychology denies trauma, which states: “no experience is in itself a cause of our success or failure. We do not suffer from the shock of these experiences, but instead makes out of them whatever suits our purpose. The meaning we give to our experiences is self-determining.” This is different from Freud's idea that a person's psychic wounds (traumas) cause his or her present unhappiness. Adler reckons nothing is determined by those influences, and we determine our own lives according to the meaning we gave those past experiences. Our life isn't something someone gave, but something we chose and decide how it will be lived. Another interesting example would be how we get fabricate emotions to reach our goals. Say you were eating outside and the waiter accidentally spilled water on you, some of us would explode and scold them, whether or not they apologise. Adler said in order to reach the goal of scolding, we created the emotion of anger, a tool or means to get what we want. This is teleology. Consider another scenario of how a mum was probably yelling and scolding her daughter that spilled milk and suddenly, the daughter's tutor called via phone and then she changes her tone immediately to talk to the other party? That shows her actual ability to control her emotions and that she was simply using that to overpower her daughter.
I like how the narration adopts the style of a conversation between a philosopher and a pessimistic youth. The youth is pretty much most of us here, and the philosopher is there to enlighten and convince us with Adlerian’s psychology alongside Greek philosophy. We all know how philosophy can make us giddy with the abstract talks. I loved philosophy as a subject back in school, but much as I enjoyed the classes and readings and thought I’d understand them much, I don’t seem to score very well when it comes to tests and exams haha.
If we see things from a aetiological (study of causation) pov and not teleological (study of purpose of given phenomenon, instead of cause), we will never be able to walk out or solve problems, because we tend to put the blames on the “cause”. Adlerian Psychology denies trauma, which states: “no experience is in itself a cause of our success or failure. We do not suffer from the shock of these experiences, but instead makes out of them whatever suits our purpose. The meaning we give to our experiences is self-determining.” This is different from Freud's idea that a person's psychic wounds (traumas) cause his or her present unhappiness. Adler reckons nothing is determined by those influences, and we determine our own lives according to the meaning we gave those past experiences. Our life isn't something someone gave, but something we chose and decide how it will be lived. Another interesting example would be how we get fabricate emotions to reach our goals. Say you were eating outside and the waiter accidentally spilled water on you, some of us would explode and scold them, whether or not they apologise. Adler said in order to reach the goal of scolding, we created the emotion of anger, a tool or means to get what we want. This is teleology. Consider another scenario of how a mum was probably yelling and scolding her daughter that spilled milk and suddenly, the daughter's tutor called via phone and then she changes her tone immediately to talk to the other party? That shows her actual ability to control her emotions and that she was simply using that to overpower her daughter.
We are our biggest enemy. Adler also says “the important thing is not what one is born with, but what use one makes of that equipment.” Very encouraging point, no?
When it comes to explaining why some people who are unhappy with their lives actually chose to be unhappy with it, Adlerian psychology explained that lifestyle is thought of something that we choose for ourselves. We claim to be unhappy because we make the persistent decision not to change our lifestyle; we lack the courage to change or be happy, hence we settle the "easy way out"... i.e. we see out life as unhappy.
Adler also saw interpersonal relationship problems that makes us feel inferior or superior to others, but all these judgements are all subjective. "Feeling of inferiority", however is different from "inferiority complex" because the latter refers to a condition of having begun to use one's feeling of inferiority as a kind of excuse. Again, people are so scared that don't want a change. "Superiority complex" on the other hand, is to act as if one is superior, and to indulge in a fabricated feeling of superiority. Some people boasts, and to Adler, they do so out of a feeling of inferiority. A complex example I read from the book is "bragging about one's own misfortune". Such people try to make themselves "special" by way of their experience of misfortune, and with that try to place themselves above others, worry people around them, and Adler thinks that in our culture, weakness can be quite strong and powerful. *Hmm是不是在是说女人眼泪的厉害啊？lol* He said the strongest person in our culture is a baby; he rules and cannot be dominated. *See how young kids can dominate you in a power struggle!*
Oh and I like what Adler said about pursuit of superiority. Imagine on the same level playing field, there are people who are moving forward, and there are people who are also moving forward behind them. Distance covered and speed may differ, but everyone is walking equally at a flat pace. The pursuit of superiority is the mindset of taking a single step forward on one's own feet, not the mindset of competition aiming to be greater than other people. So, we don't compare ourselves to others, but instead, compare ourselves with one's own ideal self.
The book also talked about not needing recognition from others so you don't lead the lives of others, neither past nor future exists but Here and Now (see life as a series of dots; like a solid line drawn with chalk, and not a line; life is a series of moments in which a well-planned one is unnecessary and impossible. One lives each complete moment like a dance, as long as you keep dancing, you will get somewhere.), happiness is the feeling of contribution towards others (once you have this, you need no recognition in life because you are aware that you're of use to someone), separation of tasks in which we don't intrude but am always prepared to assist via the encouragement approach, which is especially useful when it comes to parenting (the question to ask is "Who ultimately is going to receive the end result brought about by the choice that is made?". "Children who have not been taught to confront challenges will try to avoid all challenges."), choosing "horizontal" relationships (i.e. saying thank you to acknowledge) over "vertical" ones (i.e. praise or rebuke to acknowledge), self-acceptance (have the courage to change what one can change) etc. To Adler, giving praise is a judgement that is passed by a person of ability onto a person without ability.
My mind is in a whirlpool now and I’m trying hard to wait till it calms and settles further lol. Anyway, live by the separation of tasks. Next, while accepting each other's differences, we also build equal horizontal relationships. Then, engage in the encouragement approach.
There is a sequel to the book, entitled "The Courage to be Happy". I shall read it someday.
Rating: 3.75/5
不能说话，你就真当他们是有口难辩的哑巴了吗？
Rating: 4.25/5
Rating: 4.5/5
4/10/20 Sun: Mum, MM and Andre bought three slices of cakes to celebrate Potato's belated 32nd birthday after dinner hehe~
5/10 Mon - 6/10/20 Tues: Met Alina in town and I brought her to Nakajima Suisan for lunch after returning my NLB book. I think we waited for half an hour or so before we were given a table~ the $15 worth of red sea bream set I had was delicious!
Then, we walked around Takashimaya as I was looking for gifts to get for YB's son Ethan... ended up buying three sets of baby clothes for him from Uniqlo instead. Got some Fresh products as well, but nothing from The Form as their newest arrivals were not in-store at Tangs yet. Had Earl Grey latte from Milksha at 4+pm which was a bad idea because that was partially why I couldn't fall asleep that night at Alina's...
50 minutes of pedalling standing up and sitting down at times, combined with arm movements and moving our bodies to work the core and abs. There were also dumbbells for us to train the arms while we were on our bikes. I sweated profusely, and my two legs were so tired, but I dare not over push it in case Rhabdomyolysis happens, in which muscle breaks down and releases a harmful protein into the bloodstream, which happened to my primary school friend Grace after one session.
I had mee hoon kuey later at some Thai kway chup eatery nearby... about $20 in all but tasted so-so only. Alina was having bad migraines, so we Grab taxi back to her place. Walked to her mum's place as she cooked some tonic soup for Alina. Had a good chat about her current life before we slept!
Woke up at 7am, and according to my Fitbit, I only really fell asleep at about 5am haiz... think I'm not used to sleeping in air-con rooms normally, the caffeine plus Alina's pillow is a bit too high for me. Anyway, we took a bus to eat koka mee~ something I'd been pestering her to bring me to. $4.50 for my chilli soup version... and it was average... as in not worth going back repeatedly for it unless you stay nearby.
Visited YB's place to see Ethan and chatted with her mum, MIL and nanny as Alina had online training in the morning. *So funny seeing YB "bad" at something... taking care of baby lol!* Then, I accompanied Alina to the gynae and had bibimbap for late lunch, plus some breads and cakes for dinner when we came home and while watching "Love Catcher" Season 1 with her. Left for my usual aerial yoga classes at 8pm.
7/10/20 Weds: Wore the lovely navy Seigaiha print dress from Ans.Ein out for PotaTOH's 32nd birthday lunch for ourselves! We sat at the bar counter seats at Hakumai restaurant.
8/10 Thurs - 9/10/20 Fri: Thanks to mum, Potato and I got to stay for a night on the 31st floor of MBS hotel, with a city view! Long queue at 4+pm just to register for check-in as it's post-CB now, they required lots more information and declaration from guests.
Settled for Japanese food for dinner at Donburi-ya~ decent food for that pricing in town imo. Rained thereafter at night, but luckily we'd have umbrellas with us, and hence began the "romantic walk in the rain" back as Potato likes to say~ lol!
Potato did not manage to book a slot for a swim in the infinity pool, but we definitely enjoyed the night view from our room!
"82년생 김지영" (Kim Ji
Young: Born 1982) was a good movie looking at issues young Korean mothers face after having a child, like not being able to work and postnatal depression.
Rating: 3.75/5
I watched season 1 and 2 of "Special Forces: Ultimate Hell Week", mainly because I knew the BBC show from Ken Rhee, one of the instructors from South Korea in Season 2, after he appeared on Master in the House.
Gruelling trainings, both physical and mental, in order to find the crème of the crop. Clare Miller, a doctor, was the winner for Season 1, and Brian Onyiuke was crowned Number 1 in Season 2.
Rating: 4/5
A quick update on my caixin after slightly more than a month! I have repotted them into 6 different pots and bottles, and most of them have grown to be like the one shown in the photo above! Hmm I don't know how big they can grow to be, but mum says these are "small breeds" of caixin, so I won't see big stalks... shall monitor for a while more then!
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